Well, it's been a trip, that's for sure. Losing my mom has been an exercise in rollercoaster riding. The ups & downs have been tremendous. Intellectually, I knew this. But until a person goes through it, sometimes the symptoms aren't clear until they pass.
My apologies, dear readers for not writing sooner. It's been an incredibly busy & deep time. What feels right to me is to be quiet, to listen to whatever voice rises from my core. Sometimes the voice is delicate and vulnerable, while other times it's like a lion's roar. Now, with a little time passed, it feels alright to write again…
Awkwardness
Apparently many hospice people agree that it's best to clear out the remaining clothing & other items of a deceased loved one as soon as possible after that person died. My sister-in-law cleared out my brother's belongings, with all of us helping, on the weekend after Mickey passed.
Similarly, the Friday after my mom passed, my brother & I went through her stuff. Then, this last week, it took me 5 days and 7 pickup truck loads of donation stuff to clear out my mom's storage locker. Even then, there was a trailer full of stuff my brother took back with him, and a small trailer's worth I took.
But, the awkward part was seeing my mother's belongings in the thrift stores, after the fact. A week or so after the first round of donations in Illinois, I had an interview at a recruitment agency. Since I had no work clothes with me, I went to the thrift store to buy an outfit. As I was walking around, I saw one of my mother's shirts hanging on the rack. That was hard.
It was a little better in Colorado, when I kept bringing load after load of donation goods to the thrift store in Conifer, and would see my mom's items laid out from the load before. Those ladies were fast! Unlike in Illinois, I befriended the main lady who was in charge of donation receiving. Her gratitude and bubbly personality made the entire situation easier. Within the first day, there were several large ticket items that sold. All the money would go to the local organization that helped families of out-of-work people get by in the expensive Denver Foothills area.
That first day, driving back from the storage locker to where I was staying, I couold feel my mom's presence in the pickup, thanking me for my efforts. While rolling along the hilly road, tears ran down my cheeks as I replied, You're welcome, Mom.
Stuff
My brother really inspired me to slash & burn. He was really good at detaching from our mother's stuff back in Illinois. He was great at just keeping things that were useful in the short term, or that had emotional or monetary value as a keepsake.